A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

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Roses are red, Violets are microwaves, I have amnesia, Roses are red.

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"Knock knock," said the guy about to deliver a knock knock joke.

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But after she does this, se will probably have sex with another woman

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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A horse walks into a bar and Shits John Taffer is Pissed

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Q: whats the difference between a shoe and a ginger? A: shoes have soles.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was sick and tired of all the repeated monkey jokes and commited suicide and preceded to fall out of the tree.

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What's John Lennon doing these days? Decomposing.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. It was in the middle of winter and they froze to death.

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Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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(waving left hand) Why doesn't Queen Elizabeth wave with this hand? Why? Because this is my hand.

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Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

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Why was the boy laughing at Sally? Because Sally was a man

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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What do you call an asian jumping off of a building? A suicide victim.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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what is black and green and rainy all over? the democratic republic of congo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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