- Anti Joke

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is plastic and dangerous to children. The other holds groceries.

Why did 9/11 take place? Because God hates Satan

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why isn't Pluto a planet? Because it mutilated my dog

A man walks into a bar falls into the street and gets run over. It was very tragic

Whats two plus two Four!

Don't turn around when you're talking to me. Why? You will walk off of that cliff

What's yellow and talks? A talking giraffe.

Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

Why did the black homosexual blind man want to go to the comedy club? He enjoys a good laugh

What do you call a black man on a rope swing? Usually whatever his first name is, but if he goes by a nickname you should use that

How did the mexican die while fixing a lightbulb? He fell off the ladder.

Did you hear the joke about the pencil? Nevermind it was pointless.

What's round, has two hands, and tells time? Some fat guy I know, with a watch.

What happened when the lawyer went surfing? A shark came up and tore his leg off.

why did matt die? He had cancer

Knock Knock! Who's there? The Police The Police who? We're sorry Ma'am your son has died in a car accident... --------- Knock Knock! Who's there? Not your son

A man walks into a bar After months of rehab he is giving in to his drinking abuse again and will ruin his life as well as his family

I was very thirsty so I decided to go get some soda.Upon reaching the soda store I discovered a very long line. I decided to leave the line and instead get some milk, unfortunately once again there was a long line at the milk store. Discouraged by still thirsty I decided to try to luck at the punch store. There was a long line there also.

My jeans

Why did Prius driver go to jail? Because he ran over someone and then fled the scene of the crime (at 11 mph)

knock knock. who's there? your neighbor. o hi come one in!

An irishman walks into a bar and stays there until he goes home.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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