Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple-sized tumor in your colon.

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I like my coffee like my women, without a penis

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What did the farmer say when he found his tractor? "There's my tractor."

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A man was driving down the road and was swerving, a cop stops him and asks him to walk in a straight line, believing him to be drunk. The man replies "I can't, I've been blind since I was a child."

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is a serial rapist and has been harrassing six for months.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Knock Knock Knock" "Knock knock Knock who?" "Just let me in, you twat, it's freezing out here!"

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Why was Susie's mom crying? Because Susie got hit by a bus

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So A duck wants to be a musician. Day1: He cuts of his beak attempting to sing. Day2: Dead

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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What do you call a black man that steals a VCR? My Grandpa, he was a Vietnam vet

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Incidentally,on the subject of friends, when do you actually classify someone as a friend? Is it: When you have been to each others' house; When you have had an intelligent conversation more than once; When you have stayed for dinner; Or perhaps simply when each has decided that the other is worth the air that they breathe? [L]

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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Who did the dinosuar, that's pretty fricken awesome!

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Why did the boy trip? A small explosion in the center of the earth caused by a hobo created a tsunami, causes a seagull to fly off in alarm. The seagull lands on a Smart Car, causing it to crash, which sends a signal off to a satellite in space. Because of this, a massive earthquake occurs. Oh, and the boy? There was a bowl of soup left carelessly on the ground.

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what did i do after u pinched me? i killed everyone

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Is your refrigerator running? If so, it sounds like you've got a well manufactured, correctly working appliance. If not, you might want to either have a technician come over and look at it or you should simply replace it with a working one.

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whats bad about being black and jewish they have to sit in the back of the oven

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 6 and 7 are non-living objects and cannot show fear or anger.

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Did you hear about the man hear about the man who lost an arm and a leg in a car accident? He's alright now.

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Why did the blonde ask her doctor if she could get a new butt? She is insecure about its appearance and believes reconstructive anus surgery is the only solution.

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Knock knock. Whose there? No one, I'm trying to tell a knock knock joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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