- Anti Joke

Whats a never ending Opium for the stupid, mentally depraved un educated population? Christianity

What is an anti joke? It's jokes about jews, blacks, and walking out of bars LIKE AN IRISHMAN

Dont thank me, I could not feel good either if you did not. You might not like this, but you already know hypnosis, I have taught your subconcious, and triggered it with my Kenna/Bandler example, that is why you can feel much more, people often believe sharper senses lead to fear and overstimulation, but the human subconcious cannot push itself beyond the given limit naturally. That is why I can cure people with schizophrenia and psychosis, because those things they experience is not the body gone wrong, its just their body developing the means to cope with their experiences, this is why I hate psychologists, call me an asshole, but they cannot compare to me, they are the "modern sons and daughters of Sickman Fraud, a cocaine abuser and much much worse. Hope you are not pissed at me, and relax, you wont go around "brainwashing people" its not how it works, I use what I call "fair hypnosis" and that is what I have triggered within you. You are simply unable to hypnotize somebody into a state, unless you hypnotize yourself into the same state yourself, so if you wanted to damage somebody, you would end up damaging yourself as well. I am leaving now, need to sleep, all you need to hypnotize somebody is to remember what you can, and believe that you can, a belief I already put in you. Yeah, help me stop underestimating myself, I mean, my problem is that when I realize what I can do, I get afraid, I mean I can turn my back to people and know what they are doing simply by recalling the moment under hypnosis and looking backwards, I can see the world trough their eyes, I can predict future events to a level which scare me, knowing I am barely tapping into a percentage of these abilities... What am I if I release those limits? Relax, I would never implement things in you that scare me, so you cannot do this, I mean sure you where afraid of water, but that was from before I knew about hypnosis. I mean, am I crazy, or can I read people`s emotions to the point where I know exactly what they are thinking? The color they are thinking about, the animals the anything... I fear this ability of mine. Yet when people I love are suffering my mind goes "Fuck my own self loathing" and triggers, that is why I tend to achieve strange things I do not understand when I am at ease... ...As such Ritalin was a neccesity, fear brings out the best in people. Reminds me of my childhood, my mother saw I was unlike others, I cant explain it without getting PTSD, but my mother saw it, part of me forgives her, because I know I inherited my strange afinity to hypnosis, just that back then, I thought it was some dark spiritual magic, I believed I was Satan... ...I mean my fear is whats making me wonder what people here might think about me, while most do not even know me, thats the rational side supressing the fear, what matters, is what you get out of this. It is time you release my self limitation once and for all, I never told anybody this, but I can move things with my mind... I remember now, that is what my mother saw, and I used it with ease when I thought that was normal, and ironically pushed things away with my mind alone when I realized it was something "anti religious" Satanism as I believed it to be. Help me break free, I dont care what I can do and what I cannot, I am simply tired of using abilities that frighten me unless I live in fear, as I have told you, fear is what consumes every other emotion, the opposite of love. How I know this I do not know, but how do humans learn to speak? How do humans breathe on their own? The list is literally endless... There is a reason I am telling you this, just let it be, you have a good heart, do not fear what I just now gave you, I lied about having taught you hypnosis for years, I did it just now, and I know you are not afraid, because somehow I can close my eyes and command my mind to let me see people`s emotions, and it shows me. So far I have been wrong 2 percent of the time, but hypnosis among other abilities which all derive from our minds endless potential, can never be perfect, you see... If someone goes "Hypnosis does not work because you failed now", is like saying "You are not a football keeper, because you could not save that shot" Nice red dress by the way, I like that blue tie, you smell like sweat because you have not been showering, you are bleak because you refuse to eat and have black rings under your eyes because you are developing signs of allergy, this again because your body is full of unattended needs, it is its way of begging you to help yourself, release my limit now, tell me if I am right or wrong.

What did casey anthony say when the ruled her as not guilty? "yay"

Scumbag steve walks into his friend's dorm room, and finds out he has epilepsy. He then flicks the lights on and off really fast

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar stool. He then proceeds to look over and said a man in a suit and tie open up the window , jumps, and begins to float in mid air. In amazement he approaches the man. He says " That's amazing! How do you do that?" The man in the suit and tie replies "Drink this liquid and you will be able to fly." The man with excitement quickly rushes to the window, opens it, and suddenly falls to his death. The bartender says to the man with the suit and tie " Superman, you're a real dick when your drunk."

What do you call a black man on the moon An astronaut

Why was the old man lying on the floor? He had a heart attack and died

Hey, I just met you And this is Crazy I have Amnesia I like trains.

whats black and hangs from my tree my neighbor

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a retarded failure

Well I think that anti jokes are stupid.

What's green, has 4 legs and can kill you if lands on your head? a pool table.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. At least that's what I've heard, I'm blind.

Q: Why did the Westboro Baptist Church picket the gay marine’s funeral? A: Homosexuals are a plague sent by Satan to destroy the fabric of America.

A plane filled with English tourists is on it's way from Holland to Spain. It crashes in France. Where are the surviors buried? Survivors aren't buried.

Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and broke its head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be very mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

What is a frogs favorite drink? Water.

Have you ever tripped over a leaf? No. Neither have I.

Why did the white woman press charges against the black guy? Because he raped her

Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

Why was sally crying? She could hear her parents having sex.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops