Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down

what is worse than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? catching one with a pitchfork!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

So there's this guy, and he's trying to screw in a lightbulb, right? Well, he did it. Hoorah. His wife was proud.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is brown and sticky? Maple Syrup.

thumb_up thumb_down

Jack just got his new yellow bicycle. His dad got it for his 12th anniversary. Jack was ecstatic to ride it down his street for the first time. He immediately called his friends Paul and Erick and went for his first ride. The neighbors were in AWE when they saw Jack taking off on his new ride. That day the three friends had one of the best day of their young lives, they went up to the lake, had some peanut ice cream and made fun of Alexia. Jack was in love with his new bike and euphoric that they were reunited and did all their favorite things with an incredible amount of passion. Erick hated his new bike.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than the Holocaust? Voldemort

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

thumb_up thumb_down

Start by getting your fucking ass off this site and get me the fucking money asap yourself! And your contact information! Fuck your "eye for an eye" piece of shit example, I want redemption! If I am to live with self respect after losing a FUCKING EYEBALL! I demand that you lose EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR! YOU FUCKING QUEER HYPOCRITE! And I am not asking that you take away everything, I will take everything you hold dear away from you myself! Then again, why do that when I can get straight to the source and break your spine, and that is just the first step to making you wish you where dead! That you end up begging me for THE SWEET MERCY OF DEATH! Listen, if you want to talk, lets talk, if you claim to be so fucking powerful get on a goddamn jet and get over here yourself, no goons, no "shadows", no "followers" of "your order" when you present it, and "our order" when YOU FUCK UP! Only then will I "listen to reason", it is only reasonable you come out of your fucking hiding place and face me! I wont fight you, I wont kill you, but you better get your fucking face over here yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is the difference between 10 dead babies and a 1,000,000 dollar car I don't have a 1,000,00 dollar car

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mama's so fat she has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He orders 14 shots and proceeds to drink. For each shot he takes, he feeds one to his dog, who accepts it willingly. The bartender says "Well I've never seen anything stranger. Why did you order 14 shots, and why are you giving half to your dog." "Well," says the man, "my 14 year old dog was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition. I cannot afford to put him down, so the shots should kill him." The dog then dies.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man named Jake walks into a bar. The bartender says hi jake... The End

thumb_up thumb_down

telll someone to ask u if u are a tree then say nooooooo

thumb_up thumb_down

Potatoes have skin, i have skin, so therefore i must be a pig

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was 7 afraid of 6? It saw what 6 and 9 do when they're together.

thumb_up thumb_down

I'm Coming

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: What kind of time is it when you fall from a ladder and are moments from landing straight on a operational circle saw? Moral: ITS TIME TO SPLIT!

thumb_up thumb_down

If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You get the census of income per citizen and see who is at the top.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do Chinese people name their kids? They could look up a baby-names book, consult their family history, or make one up

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey guess whats funny? Matthew Mcconaughey Oh wait, never mind

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't the white guy tell the two asians apart? They were identical twins.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops