Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Why was the Magic: The Gathering player a virgin? Because he was underage and it would have been immoral for him to have had sex.

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Two polar bears, oddly enough, are sitting in a bathtub. One of them asks "Could you pass the soap?" The other obliges and gives him the soap.

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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THIS ONE TIME MY DOG ATE A WHOLE CHEESECAKE

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Whats funnier than a massacre? Everything.

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3 men walk into a bar. The 4th one ducks.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'who the f*ck let a horse in here, get it out now'.

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What do you call a shoe with milk in it? Shoe

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Yo momma is so ugly that shes been taking self acceptance classes for her very low self esteem which is only one of many side affects shes had from years of bad relationships and being told she was and infact still is horrifically ugly its a truly sad thing and being the child of her you should be ashamed that you have not worked to help raise her self esteem

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"Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pepper" "Like the drink?" "Huh... yes... just like the drink" Would you mind to sit right here Mr..... "Nike" "Oh, just like the shoes" "How do you dare!"

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What do you call an animal killed on the side of the road? A false accusation towards an inanimate object that has no other purpose then providing a safe and smooth ride for drives all around the world.

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what did the McDonald's cashier say to the fat man ordering a large chocolate milkshake? you want some fries with that shake?

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

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whats fat and sits on a toilet? a fat guy sitting on the toilet

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Wanna here a funny joke? Will is straight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hes gay

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What's worst than finding two worms in your apple? Two holocausts.

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What do you call a calculator without a brain? A calculator.

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what does a horny frog say RUBIT RUBIT

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Roses are red. Violets are grey. People hate me. Mongoose.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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