How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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Why didn't Suzie ride her bike? Suzie's mother aborded her. She was never born.

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An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

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Why was the man sad His got raped

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Matrix if it had been with (as planned at some stage) with Will Smith. Normal Neo: Yes trinity lets find the others. Smith Neo: Yo pretty lady, lets go find them ho`s and chicken and stuff, then we can like go surfin and driving nuts and all that crackin stuff and then we etc etc. Normal Neo:... Smith Neo: You tellin ME this is your world Smith? Im Anderson yo and the one, Im gonna bitchmack you all and then just whoop you all with my master blaster no kidding buddy I have yellow belt Kung fu yo! Neo: We have to do something. Smith Neo; Yo unless we make a real rap video first we cant do the proper stuff you, why is this place all so green, get some colaaas! Seriously first we get carlton and then he dances his crazy dance while I go boyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ with my rap ok?

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Let's get some comments on this one! Everyone add a comment with a quote from a movie! I'll thumbs-up the best comments!

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Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling. All the other ducklings made fun of the ugly duckling for being so ugly, and the little duckling felt bad. "Why do I have to be such an ugly duckling?," he asked. However one day, the duckling grew up and became........well, an ugly duck. Turns out he was just an ugly duck. The end.

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so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

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Your mother is so fat, that she was instructed by her doctor to go on a low carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease later in life.

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What's the difference between my mom, and a bag of garbage? A bag of garbage is incapable of contracting aids

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What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

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Why is it OK to make fun of a deaf person? Because they can't hear.

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Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

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What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

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I'm tired.

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Why can't Abraham Lincoln tell a lie? Because he's dead.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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how did hitler lure the jews onto trains to concentration camps? he told them he hid a penny in one of the cars

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What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

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A ninja is walking down the street then he...finds a puppy a names him rex

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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