A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

What day is it today? Today. Thank you. You're welcome.

Why couldn't the Muslim eat pork? He didn't have a tongue.

my egg roll

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

why does the room smell bad? because there's a dead body under the bed

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He has no legs.

What you you call peanut butter on the top of a dog house Peanut butter

If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

What did Helen Keller name her dog? jhdfsuigtreyuiertfguiryhg

Whats the difference between a dog and a piranha? Their names.

How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

What did goldilocks say to the three bears? she was savagely murdered before she could say anything.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was locked safely in the chicken coop.

What's worse than getting a paper cut? Getting shot in the face.

What is rainbow-colored, makes no sounds, and smells like a banana? A rainbow-colored banana

Why was the boy hanging from the ceiling? He was sad

What did the Zen Buddhist say in the hamburger store? He said, "Make me one with everything."

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said: "Hey, I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

What do you call an animal with 4 legs ? A dog...

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. The chicken was booted into the air by a screaming Russian osselot.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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