If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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What is colored and looks good hanging from trees? Oranges. Get your mind out of the gutter!

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Why did the plane crash into the mountain? The Pilot was a tomato

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Alien vs. Predator = Evil Staplers vs. Evil Jamaicans

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How many light bulbs does it take to garner an unnecessarily large crowd of a single ethnic group of people working together to simultaneously replace said light bulbs and uphold their cultural stereotypes? What the hell's a light bulb? I'm a culturally illiterate Amish man.

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How do you get a cat off a swing? You throw a dog at it.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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What happens when a blind man walking crashes in to man that's talking to his gang ? He wakes up in a ditch

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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baby on board sign?? target aquired.............

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Roses are red, violets are blue, pee pee is yellow, poo poo is brown. if not you have a serious disease...

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra drinks a bear and leafs .....

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what do you do when life gives you lemons? take them, free shit is cool!

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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What happened to the boy with cancer? He died

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What Did The Kid With No Arms And No Legs Get For His Birthday? A Walking Stick

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? hes retarded.

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What do you call a penguin that hangs around in playgrounds? A paedophile.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Yo momma so hairy she needs to shave herself.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Actually it's my cookie jar, and my cookies. I stole nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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