Q: What do you get if you combine a melody, instrumentation, rhythm, and vocals? A: Um, music, you idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the little girl lose her necklace? Because she got her head blown off

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's worse than an earthquake? Two earthquakes. What's worse than two earthquakes? Three earthquakes. What's worse than three earthquakes? The world exploding.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Did you hear about the cow that could fly? Me either

thumb_up thumb_down +27

how did the kenyan get away from the cup He didnt he got arrested

thumb_up thumb_down +27

you know what's worse than being grounded? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what is almost like Jesus? Jesus

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Have you seen stevie wonders new piano? No Well it's really nice

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Hey, you know what would be funny? A joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the white man do when he got a black eye? He thanked the gracious african-descented donor, and with a little luck he just might see his beautiful wife and kids again

thumb_up thumb_down +27

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock, knock. Who's there? Who. Who who? "My name ism't really who, it's Thomas. I thought it'd be funny if I made you say who who, as though imitating an owl. However, I understand that childish jokes like that are not funny and if anything stupid and immature. I am sorry for wasting your time. I will go continue my solitary life alone in a crappy tenement... Damn government. They have money to fight wars against foreign countries and yet no money goes to feeding the poor. Do you think life of easy for me loving like this?! I'm such a lost cause not even my own parents want to see me! And I'll be damned if they're still alive. A dad who beat me and got drunk even night, and a mom with breast cancer"(Thomas, overwhelmed, proceeds to have a mental breakdown). The man at the door comes out to comfort him. "It's alright man. i'll help you out." He let's Jeffrey stay with him for the next four months. They both get raped by a T-Rex.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

The Blonde Gets 100 % On Her Math Test

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a M.afia boss so they put him in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the cow fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second cow fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first cow.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

yo mommas so ugly that as a child she was often teased for her looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is a dogs favorite color? Gray due to the fact that they cant see any other color

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops