Q: A squirrel a chipmunk and a spider monkey are fighting over these nuts. Who gets them? A: Your Mom ;p

Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because they wouldn't be able to live anywhere else.

What do you do when a sing is stuck inside your head? Put a gun to your head, and shoot the song to death. It will work. Trust me. Youll never hear the song again. Or anything again.

What drops its lunch every day? Yo mom

Two muffins are in an oven. And by muffins I mean jews. They both die a horrible death.

A wild bear walks into a bar, grabs a drink and looks at the man next to it. The man then wakes up from a dream and gets ready for work.

Why couldn't the old man see the Moon? Because he was blind and it was daytime.

Q:What did the Hulk say before the bartender refused to serve him further drinks? A: HULK SMASHED! Moral: "THE MORE DRUNK THE HULK GETS! BLURRIER HIS VISION BECOMES! HULK IS THE BLURRIEST THERE IS!"

Chuck Norris was the leading role in the television show Walker, Texas Ranger.

A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An Erection

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Sploosh

whats red and hard to eat a brick.

Whats worse than finding an actual joke on anti-jokes? A.I.D.S.

what is more fun than shower time with adele. a mass gang bang with antonia

Why did the little kid use pillows at night? Because he was constipated.

why didnt the guy go to work one morning he died in a car accident

a white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy all jump off a building. they all immediately die on impact, later on the news white guy jumps off building.

This is Heading 1

Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability

My Mom was strutting down the runway. Then she got trampled by a plane.

whats fat round and bouncing off the ground= George goodburn

What do you call a black man with a gun? Officer.