Knock Knock. Who's There? The Landlord. Your rent's late.

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Q: What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? A: I don't know; I was too busy trying to find my camera.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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What did little Timmy do in the Library? Read

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack, due to her poor eating habits.

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Justin Bieber

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yo mama is so fat, she's obeise

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Billy: You're so ugly you made an onion cry! Jack: I'm rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces back and sticks to you. Billy was so upset at what he said and decided to leave.

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A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

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Heads or tails? Heads. Sorry, I'm fresh out.

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What did the duck say to the other duck? Something, But us humans don't speak there language to understand

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How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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How do you get a blonde's number? You ask her, but she probably won't give it to a loser like you.

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Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

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Three men walk into a gay bar, and have a great time because they're all of consensual age and brought condoms for safe sex.

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My math homework brings all the asians to the yard and their like it wasent that hard and their like it wasent that hard. comment what song it is like.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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What did the asian kid do before he got a blood test? He studied.

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One day there was a princess born in the jungle. The story goes, that she'd be saved by a grand champion - a Hero. So the day came that she fell in love. After a few magical years, they broke up and she realized that fairy tales are for little girls.

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why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

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Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

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There were three men named manner, poop, and shut up. they all were mad fun of in middle school and ended up hating their parents for giving them such retarded names.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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