How do you make your house smell bad? fart

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the man hang himself? Because his pistol misfired.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the baby die? Because he was shot in the head repeatedly

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the little boy with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A gun

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's brown and sticky? Most forms of excrement.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A mexican fast food worker accidentally drops a cheeseburger on the ground. Realizing the floor is most likely unsanitary, he throws it out and gets the customer a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A small child walks past a man on the street: Fortunately, as the man hates children he is perfect height to let a massive fart rip in his face on the way past. His mum looks disgusted. They carry on with their day.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than getting a B+ in Biology? Getting raped by a scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You're Like A Book I Want To Put You Down

thumb_up thumb_down -10

your mom's so fat that even the biggest case of cancer couldn't brake through her flubber its so big

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did it take so long to find Osama Bin Laden? No idea. Bad military tactics. Was he found?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I will grant you one wish, but it sure as hell isn't coming true!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When life throws you melons, You probably won't catch them.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? - Nothing This homeless man got a gift for his Birthday. What happened to the gift? - It got stolen the following day What did this homeless man get for New Year? - Still nothing Get real.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I know 7 facts about you: 1. You're reading this. 2. You hate this overused shit. 3. You may think I will skip a number. 5. And you hate me much more. 6. You have seen porn. 7. You want me to kill myself. I am just gonna go suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why couldn't Jack and Jill climb the hill? Because they were bagels.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Ask me what my name is. What's your name. My name is Jeff.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats The difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull? One's a dog ones a human. 363\

thumb_up thumb_down -10

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's green, little, and eats rocks? A Little Green Rock-Eater What's green and has a thousand wheels? A lawn, I lied about the wheels! If I were to throw a rock down the a whole in the center of the earth (straight through) what would happen? The Little Green Rock-Eater would eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Women's Soccer.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops