What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" And the horse says "I have cancer".

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What's funnier than a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies with a live one crawling out.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side -Tag

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Knock knock Who's there? Fuk Fuk who?

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why did the boy get hit by a wrecking ball? Because he picked up an upside down penny.

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What did the Chinese man say to the Japanese man Nothing as they have never met

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what's the difference between a duck? one leg's the same.

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what types of people have big noses? people whose parents both carried the recesive gene.

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How do you kill a black man wearing a bullet proof turbin? Shoot him anywere other then his turbin.

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What do you get when you mix monster, coke, and and seltzer? Kicked out of stop and shop.

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why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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so a jewish man walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says...this better be free

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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There is a blond and a burnette in a car. The blonde is driving. What a nice use of the carpool

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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Why did the guy in the ferrari stop? -He hit the median at 100mph.

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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Have you seen Hellen Keller's children? No. They look just like her.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -It's just Linda from nextdoor. -Oh hi Linda come on in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops