What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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Roses are red Violets are blu Doogie is gay I have no friends

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because that's where the oncologist's office is.

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Why did the girl cry when her boyfriend brought up the topic about rape? Because she was raped by her father as a child and it was a suppressed memory.

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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Ele PHa n T

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What's worse than hitting your thumb with a hammer? Getting your spine ripped off

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:( You are right Nero, I am terribly sorry, when I see you, I see the brightest man I have ever seen, should you ever turn against me and stop underestimating yourself, there is nothing I could do.

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Why did the chicken cross the traffic filled road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken delivery.

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Why didn't the dog come to his master when it was called? It didn't have any legs.

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How do you stop a drunk driver? With a minivan and family of four.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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Conversation: Hey dawg? Whats that? Hey, remember curiosity killed the cat! You threatening me on my life and calling me a pussy? Im calling the cops. ...Because like Larsons some of my ideas suck, but since I am an asshole I also add them to fill some space.

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Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

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Sorry, I need to take care of business up here, it is for the best that we do not communicate for a while, suspicions are going to be flaring up all over the place You better keep your head low, the place with the code-name "The Kings Throne" was under attack, but as you might know, its not what it used to be, you should all leave Point Zero in 3-4 hours when the dust has settled. Personally I suspect it is someone from the past, yes rivals, but according to the information nobody that knows who "The Nero" is, so as you can already tell, you and I are in equal danger until this is resolved. I promise to call you someday

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What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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A 14 year girl enjoys exploring the sexual regions of her body, whilst having one of her intimate sessions her brother walks into her room. Her brother was a rather sexual 17 year old, who has had sex with several different girls, and is not afraid to try new things. the brother says " get a room to his sister... oh wait" and walks out

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What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

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That is a bad anti-joke down there | V

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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What is black white and red all over A tree in black, white, and red paint.

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A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. Another passenger sees the blonde in his seat and tells her she's in the wrong seat. "I'm not moving!" says the blonde. The passenger calls over the flight attendant. "Ma'am, you're supposed to be seated in economy class," says the flight attendant. "Please come with me." "No! I'm not moving!" The flight attendant informs the pilot. The pilot comes out, whispers in the blonde's ear, and then the two have wild sex, right in the open. Oh my God, you should have been there. She had the most incredible rack ever!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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