What did Petunia say to the other Petunia Hi there Petunia

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How can humans fly? Well if you run and jump of a cliff...nevermind you would just smash your face on the ground. I guess that isn't technically flying.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Michael J Fox may not be able to draw a perfect circle but he sure can jerk off like a champ

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did the blonde trip the brunette? She stuck out her foot

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you do to a woman who has a black eye? Punch her in the other eye so that they match.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats worse then getting sat on by a hippo getting sat on by Matt Ross

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even realize that I was a poet

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did silly Billy with no arms get for Christmas ? Gloves.. why did silly billy fall off the swing? He got hit by a microwave.. Why did silly sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.. Knock Knock Whos there? Not sally..

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happened to my sunglasses?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happened to the homosexual jiggalo? He ended up getting aids from having anal sex with various men which is not the best idea because the anus where poop comes from.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not answer because he is a horse, and neither speaks nor understands the english language. He looks around, and is confused by his surrondings. He gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the fridge say to the watermelon? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why would Obama like to be ahead of some guy's poll and bent over at the same time? Because being ahead in someone's poll is encouraging news for his election campaign and bending over is part of the exercise program he uses to stay in shape.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops