what do u call a lesbian with long hair? a long haired lesbian.

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Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object.

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What did the mexican firefighter name his kids? Jose and Pablo

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Q: Why did James cry? A: Because he's an infant and still quite afraid of his surroundings

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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What's blue and can't read? The Pacific Ocean

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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A man walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Are you smelling me right now?"

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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Tall asians

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he was applying for a job that's building was located on the other side of the street.

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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Why did Sarah limp to school? Because she got hit by a tree

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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What is big has a red nose and is funny Don't ask me I have never been out of my house

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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Q: What said the first bagel to the other? A: Nothing! Bagels can't talk!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree Peer pressure.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops