Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

thumb_up thumb_down -11

God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's white, got three legs and you wouldn't expect to find in the rainforest? A fridge on a stool

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Man walks into an apple store. Shortly after he leaves with a fully charged phone.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sorry, I need to take care of business up here, it is for the best that we do not communicate for a while, suspicions are going to be flaring up all over the place You better keep your head low, the place with the code-name "The Kings Throne" was under attack, but as you might know, its not what it used to be, you should all leave Point Zero in 3-4 hours when the dust has settled. Personally I suspect it is someone from the past, yes rivals, but according to the information nobody that knows who "The Nero" is, so as you can already tell, you and I are in equal danger until this is resolved. I promise to call you someday

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock knock Who's there? Tom Tom who? Tom Rodgers I don't know you Tom decides to leave the house because the person in the house does not recognize him

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you know that Claire Seiter likes to drinkapplseiter? No. Oh well she does..

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "So why are you so happy?" The amputee doesn't answer because he has been completely deaf, blind and mute since birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock knock. Who's there? Silence. Silence who? No, I meant there was silence, I didn't really say anything. Oh, OK. But seriously, who's there?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a metal bar He had a swell time.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: what happens if a black guy says hi person? A: he says hi person

thumb_up thumb_down -11

it's weird how Jesus came out of the cave on the same day as Easter

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The duck didn't cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's brown and sticky? Vomit.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than walking into your parents room while their have sex? Getting no-scoped by zzirgrizz

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the black guy get hit by a banana He was low on potassium and his friend threw the banana too hard

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's faster than a black man running with a VCR? His son with the receipt of purchase as they realize VCR's are clearly outdated and must be returned right away.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

trump and hillary are both stranded on an island, who survives? america

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops