Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, Herp Derp

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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a man dropped a bar of soap in the shower. He immediately picked it up and finished washing himself. He then got dressed and left the gym.

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Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

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What do you call an Asian guy doing homework? A student

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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Why did the blonde jump off the bridge? She was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life

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what did one mute say to the other? Nothing.

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so your snowboarding in the dessert and all four of your tires pop. how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house. the answer is B. 500 squids

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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What do you call a black man eating dessert? A man of African ancestry enjoying a sweet treat.

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whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

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What happened to the boy that got raped? He later died of depression

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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Why did the homeless man decide it was time to get off the streets? He wanted to save face.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

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-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

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Chlamydia

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gilbert Gilbert who? Goddamn it David just open the door

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So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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