Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the farmer that was trying to kill it.

What did the scuba diver say to his partner when he got stuck in some seaweed. Something that sort of sounded like glug, or maybe blub, or some other sound you would hear trying to talk underwater.

Why don't you hit a black guy riding a bike? Because that is dangerous and he could get hurt.

You wanna see something really scary?

A baby seal walks into a club.

Is it better to be born black or gay? No way to know. That is, unless you are black and gay.

What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

Why did the horse escape from his stable? He didn't. He stayed there all night and his owner took him out the next day as the weather was beautiful.

What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

What's the worst joke ever? Justin Bieber.

Were you born on a freeway? because thats were all accidents happen.

What Do Yu Call 2 gay guys? Tyquan And Dnautica

What do you call a 5000 pound gorilla? Obese - gorillas should weigh around 400 pounds.

What's worse than the holocaust? The Jews.

Why is my penis 2 inch hard? Because I rape little boys with it and there tight little asshole are crushing it

Why do children go to school? Because they have to learn.

What does 10 dead babies in a microwave look like? I dont know. I was too busy masturbating.

teacher: who's going to pass english? students: us teacher: not you, i lied about the passing

what's the difference between your grandmother and a dead squirrel? Technically, if you burn them both, your grandmother will produce more ash, but apart from that, they are both useless pieces of carbon.

How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

What's long hard and black A drain pipe

If Alex Maitland reads this he is gay

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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