Why can't helen keller drive a car? Because she is a woman

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Chuck Norris and Bane recently had a fight on a bet. The result was Bane won easily as he is the much bigger and stronger man, and Chuck Norris lacks the skills he once possessed as a younger man as he is now 72 years old.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A cricket walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we have a drink named after you!' and the cricket says,"Oh really? You have a drink named Joe?"

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A man punches a 3rd grader in the stomach. Not long after he is arrested and no longer is allowed within 500 feet of a public school.

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A black guy walks into a shop, takes a shirt, and then he pays for it.

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What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

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What do you call a man will dementia who just killed his cousins, wife, children, and teacher. His name. He's still a man until he's put in a mental institution.

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Q. What do mummies do when they run out of toilet paper? A. Nothing - they're dead and inanimate.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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whats better than 7 babies in one trash can 1 baby in 7 trash cans

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A man used a ruler to measure his foot, it was size 11

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Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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Q: what's wrong with this sentence? My dogs is running in the garden A: I don't have a garden

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

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why did the supermodel have sex with the janitor? she loved him. and he was brad pitt.

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A man walks into a bar so how many Jews were there when a man called Wellard ate a pizza. Balloons

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How do you get a black guy to stop hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back yard.

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Three men are walking, the first one walks into a bar. He has a couple of drinks because he is depressed. He drives home, drunk, and dies in a car accident. His wife finds out and hangs herself.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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why did the panda and puppy get into a fight? how should i know, you tell me.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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How do you kill Justin Beiber? By stabbing him 38 times in the chest.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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