how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing becasue a mute is a person who cannot speak and a deaf man ould not hear the jumbled mumblings anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why wasn't the TV remote working? It was out of batteries.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

if life gives you lemons. squeeze one into your moms eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mother is so dumb, that she had a very poor ACT composite score.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

i hate this glue. give me one new or i will poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red, violets are blue, im not going out with someone that belongs in a zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the woman have no boobs? Breast cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the man visit 4chan? He heard about it from a coworker and was curious about what it was.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

It's not just a boulder. It's a rock! A rooooocckk!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dead one.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's brown and smells of chocolate? Chocolate or something dipped in chocolate but that might also smell of something else - like bananas.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

An airplane flies due north at 100 m/s through a 30 m/s cross wind blowing from the east to the west. Determine the resultant velocity of the airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road ( The chicken says) I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having morals questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: How many nuns does it take to eat a dead racoon? A: 2

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many dollies does little Suzie have? Enough to kill 15 men

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Did nims chinnie? Fins.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Can u explode on me.......Plz.........no........ok.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the black guy say to the white guy running off the cliff? Watch out! You're running off a cliff!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: whats the difference between a t.v and a dead baby? A: i don't have a t.v in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats funnier than a massacre? Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops