What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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What's one very bad way to injure yourself? Smashing your head against a metal surface

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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A Black man walks into the Dentist's office, because he cares about his hygiene.

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Yo mama so fat she has to wear large clothes

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What did the bank teller say to Santa Claus? May I help you?

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Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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boobs!

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An Irish man walks into a bar, and then realizes that he's walked into the wrong establishment (He was looking for an upscale restaurant.)

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Did you hear about the comedian cereal killer?...He raped his victims before strangling them to death.

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

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A kid walks into the car and the dad says, "Wear your seatbelt".

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Q: How do you eat a dead baby? A: One piece at a time.

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A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender gives him a drink. The man walks out of the bar. He drives home and slaps his wife. Alcohol is destroying his marriage.

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Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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Roses are yellow, violets are grey, I'm colorblind

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360 NO SCOPE

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Jimmy is taking a walk to Dairy Queen he walks into an allyway where he is shot with a 44 magnum and later dies in hospital his family morns

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What do a Jew and a whale have in common? They're both Jewish. Except the whale.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because there were no cars in the way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops