What did the student say to the teacher, after being assigned homework? This isn't my best subject, can I stay after class for tutoring?

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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what did the left eye say to the right eye? "eye" see you

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What is brown and sticky? Maple Syrup.

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What would happen if an unstoppable object hit and unmovable object? I don't know, I was just wondering

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Knock knock whos there? Its me, your doorbell is obviously broken Okay, hold on a sec. Please hurry up, its really cold I cant seem to find my key Its probably on the coffeetable, where you always keep it. No, its not there Check the floor underneith Oh, right, there it is.

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What do you call a white man? A caucasian male.

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How do you kill a vampire? Because vampires are figments of society's imagination and actuall living creatures, this task is impossible.

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a tiger swims into the indian ocen and eats a tuna. the tiger shortly dies

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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why did the boy eat his lunch money? it was his lunch!

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what did the little boy say to his mom? nothing his mother died in childbirth.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black guy? A bench can support a family

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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What did the unicorn eat for a snack? Nothing. Unicorns are a majestic fiction animal.

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The Lord told Moses to come forth. He tripped and came fifth.

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Why was Billy lat to school? He was being raped.

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How do you make a man cry? you torture him

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What has 4 legs and doesn't move? A child born in Chernobyl.

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A woman walking alone through a poor area of town. She is approached by a man who proceeds to mug her, rape her, and murder her.

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what didn't Jon go to the movies? He tripped and broke his neck and cant look up

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what the difference between a dog and a blue whale? im going to burn your house down

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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