Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

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A group of 8 paintbal professionals land on an island to battle another paintball team. The team is then faced by a challeng of the other team ambushing them. Everyone is okay and not touched. A case breaks the window of the bus they hide in. They open the case and find a bullet proof vest. A man placed the vest on himself. They made it one by one out of the bus and to the otherside of the field the man with the vest was shot and started going... eghegeheghdjrhherbehgh and they pulled out a real gun bulet. They were now under attack by an enemy with real amunation. Then next man to run across the fied was killed. Tehy ran fr their lives.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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Why was the little girl crying. Her dad wiped his bloody penis with her teddybear.

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How do you double any amount of cash? Stack it up and fold it in half.

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I touch myself at night.

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When you nut and slice her fukcing dumb head off fucking dumb BITCH DIES

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What did Mary say to Vishnikharmut? You're name is weird. What did Vishnikharmut say to Mary? Your grammar is incorrect.

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What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

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WILLYS

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Knock Knock Whos there Cameron oh

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why did the chicken cross the road? its a chicken giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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Q - What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench? A - The nba - Cool Bean

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Mario walks into a bar A yak walks into a bar An orange walks into a bar 30 men barf in a juicy yot

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What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

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What's the difference between Tom and Jerry? One is a cat, and the other is a mouse.

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knock knock. who's there? Kony. Kony who? Kony says:" Uganda be abducted"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??? Because it was dead.....

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Knock knock, who's there? Your mom! Oh I'm comming.

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i remember when i was a child i wanted a skateboard but my parents would never buy me one so late one night i crept downstairs and got a hammer and some wood and i beat them to death my foster parents baught me 5 skateboards

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops