What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Mine.

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Why did the Germans conquer Poland so quickly? Heavy military manufacturing and Blitzkrieg battlefield tactics.

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What did the resently released criminal get for his birthday? a nice sweater

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A man removed Stephen Hawkings hand off his keyboard, what did Stephen say to the man? Nothing his hand isnt on the keyboard.

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A woman went for a midnight jog. She's been missing for 12 years now.

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A man drives down the road in a van that says "Candy" He was doing his job in a professional manner

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had Alzheimers and forgot that he lived on the other side of the street.

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Why did I miss my bus? Because my watch was wrong.

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Butterfly is standing on a flower. Cow comes and steps on that flower

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A:Whats the air speed velocity of a swallow? B:What an african or English swallow? A:Well I don't know that.

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Whats the diffrence between a white and a black guy? one of them is black

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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Why can't Roger drive a tractor? Because Roger is a goldfish

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roses are red violets are blue im not good at poems so fuck you too.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep beep.

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If you are what you eat, then imagine a prostitute.

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Q: Why did the son of the dad who went fishing with him die? A: Well, he was either eaten by a shark or drowned while being the bait before that.

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There was once a man who lived in a box.

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What did the bird say to the other bird? Nothing because birds can't talk.

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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A nun walks into a bar. She is immediately excommunicated.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops