A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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why girl die cancer

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What happens when metal and ice collide together? The Titanic

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Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he has no sense of living and no muscles to move.

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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Whats small white and has a hole in it? A powdered Donut

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? It's dependent on many factors, like the size of the babies and the tub. It would be a horrific endeavor, and you should probably stop thinking about such things.

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There was a Jewish man and a German man why was it akward? Because one of them farted

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3 men walk into a bar. The 4th one ducks.

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Fight fire with with fire! That would be impossible, it'd just make the fire bigger. And probably kill you.

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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A black man is like a sledge hammer; if you compare him to a sledge hammer, he will hit you with a sledge hammer.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

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What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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