Theodore was a small kid that lived down the street. Little did he know, that Kaiwen the Poor Pedo was his next door neighbour. So he was walking one day down the street. He saw Kaiwen dead. Because he ate too much sugar. So Theodore called the police. But his phone broke suddenly. Theodore realized that his brother had filled it with broken eggshells. He was sad. He took out a few golf balls and stuffed them in his mouth. But he couldnt forget taht a fellow neighbour had died. He buried the body beneath the Carpet of Ol' Justin's House. He wasnt happy. His dad confiscated his laptop. And the golf balls

Why did the police suspect a Hispanic man of theft? Because they found his fingerprints at the scene.

If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

what taste like an apple, looks like an apple, but isnt an apple? an apple.

Why did the 80 year old man lose his vision? Because he recently blew his head off.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black.

Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

Why do British Folk have yellow teeth? Genetics. Although scientists don't know the exact cause, it has been shown that people of British ancestory have a genetic predisposition which inhibits the body's breakdown and utilization of Vitamin C and Calcium. This causes decalcification and scorbutic gums. The British slang term "Limey" comes from the fact that the British Royal Navy was made to drink lime juice to prevent scury. The Royal Navy was almost wiped out by an epidemic of Scurvy.

Why are friends like trees? If you hack at them repeatedly with an axe, they fall over.

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a banana.

Why couldn't Jack and Jill climb the hill? Because they were bagels.

Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

Wow Nero, you never explained the process, its like I am at the ocean again, but dont lie, you still fear showers... Sorry its just not you when you lie to me, I know I should be more concerned about you, ill bring those old stuff, im tired, sleepy, I suppose thats your work huh Nero? Thanks, call it as a brother or what you want, but I really love you and wont ever stop doing so. Goodnight Nerochan, promise me you will take care of yourself, we all got a long life ahead of us, and I want to spend more time with you, if its fine for you and your wife.

A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.

Jesse's mom is so god damn fat that it is an extreme danger just being around her

Your face

what's funny about cancer. nothing it is a serious life threating disease with no cure.

why did hellen kellers dog run away? because if your name was awughunguh you'd run too.

Whats wrong with me? Your alive.

Why did the black man walk into the catholic church? He was catholic.

man: im hungry can i have a sandwich wife: go make one man: then what are you gonna do

What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tradegy.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...