Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat.
They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses.
Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away.
A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation.
It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way.
The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore.
He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body.
A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach.
The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean."
Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite.
His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom.
The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore.
Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine.
Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him.
The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"
A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar.
The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys.
"Ouch!"
Said the sheep.
"Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!"
"Squak!",
Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter.
"I think,"
Began the lion,
"This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back."
The sheep's wool was now damp with blood.
"Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back."
"Ah!"
Said the sheep.
"This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!"
"Yes",
Replied the lion.
"You could also say..."
Started the sheep,
"That an NZ parro-"
The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds.
The lion left.
The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers.
And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.
A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls."
For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls.
The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls.
One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.
