- Anti Joke

My cat just died.

Why did the personal trainer get fired from the gym? He lacked good customer service skills.

How did the Cuban get into Florida? Well he got his passport and other papers, flew in, then went to Customs.

Did you here about the guy who kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter? Well, he died

What do you call a lion eating a gazelle? the food chain.

How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

People shouldnt make fun of holocaust jokes..my grandpa died cause of it! he fell off the gaurd tower

why did the jew cross the road? He didnt. He got stuck in the wire fence.

Why does Mario grown on shrooms? Because they bloom inside of him.

How many chickens does it take to cross the road? It only takes 1 chicken to cross the road. You don't need a lot.

Q: What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? A: Ten babies nailed to eleven trees.

Why did the duck cross the road? Because there was a gunman on the same side of the path and it would most likely be safer to avoid making eye contact

Your mamas so old. When she farted dust came out.

What do you call a person who hammers a nail into his forehead? A dumbass.

Q.Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? A.One is a human and the other is an inanimate object used to give people a rest.

What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

What do you call a man covered with cottoncandy and goes to the store and buys a jar of pickles? George

Life is like a box of chocolates, some are brown, and some are white.

What did the chilean miner say to the other Chilean miner? I wish we could get out of here.

What's funnier then a dead baby. Two dead babies.

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

Parents are very similar to trees. They fall over when hit repeatedly with an ax.

what's worse than 10 dead babies in one trash can? 1 baby in ten trash cans

Why did the Egyptian woman not manage to work the washing machine? The instructions were in English.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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