Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

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knock knock... who's there... i dont know i aint got a house

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing set? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

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what do you call a cow on a rollercoaster? a very dangerous and unlikely event

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What's red and can sing? Elmo

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

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Why does the rabbit go in the hole? because that's where it lives.

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What is square and grey? A grey square.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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how did the fat man survive the plane crash? he didn't, he died like everyone else.

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What did Bambi say to her mother when her mother was killed? Nothing. Bambi's a deer. Duh.

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PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

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Person 1 - Have you heard about the movie about constipation? Person 2 - No. Person 1 - It hasn't come out yet

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A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

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Why did the fat guy pick up a noodle from the floor with his buttcheeks? He felt like pasta.

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Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a serial rapist.

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Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


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