How do you get clean dishes? You wash them.

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Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

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whats red and bad for your teeth... A brick.

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What's the difference between a plum and an elephant? They're both purple except for the elephant.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac that stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog?

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your mom was so fat that she died.

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What's worse than finding a knife in your car? Finding a car in your knife.

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What do you call a deer that has no eyes? I have no eyedeer

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What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has dates!!

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how many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one................ standing on a pile of dead babies.

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9 tottenham fans walk into a french bar 2 minutes later French fans attack them saying this is for making our history lessons boring 1 shouts ohh the holocaust French fans ash him even more 5 say there call the jew squard next minute there getting attacked by a bunch of kids and lying that there were 30 neo Nazi men.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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If you don't see banners here, it doesn't mean they are not there...

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Q: What causes earthquakes? A: Your mother walking.

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How do you get the pesky neighborhood kids off your front lawn? Molest them.

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A mother with a bum hip and her son go to walk up a set of stairs in the mall. The floor was slippery because the janitor just mopped the floor. They decide to take the elevator instead.

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What happens if a black person meets a white person? They shake hands

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there once was a cat it was brown? fus-roh-dah

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Why did the cupcake walk into the bar? It can't it's a cupcake

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Take part of what?

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Q:Why did the man fall down the stairs? A:Because someone pushed him down.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Becuase the farmer has recently gone blind due to old age and he acidently left the gate opened and the chicken happened to walk out

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Did you hear about the Australian man who was jumped by a gang of Americans with knifes? He had his cash and possessions stolen from him, and had to spend two weeks in hospital due to stab wounds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops