I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Unless she's particularly short, then she may need to get a friend, who may or may not be blonde, to help by holding the ladder.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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Women's rights

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Why do i love this website? Because it is funny.

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One day a object is flying overhead in a city and a man in a crowd of pedestrians yells, "It's a bird!" another man yells, "It's a plane!" No one else says anything as they stare at the two men that had become so excited about a possibly seeing a bird or an airplane.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

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What do you get when a black man crosses a white man on the street? A black man and a white man on the street..

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Why did the plane crash? Because something was wrong with the engine

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What's worst than getting hit by a car. -Getting hit by a truck.

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What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

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- Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - KGB wh........... *slap* - vwe vwill ask the questions!!!!!!! - Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - Mom the KGB is here again....... - i dont care just answer the damn door - 5 seconds later nobody answers the door....... u here a crash and all of a sudden big men run in with guns - one comes over and slaps the mother while he continues to say " the KGB vwill vwait for no one!!!!!" - every body in the house is shot and and the KGB goees on to tlive normal lives........ for the KGB

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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What happened when the Asain woman got in her car? A speeding drunk driver hit her and now she is paralyzed from the neck down.. Its a tragic story

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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What's long and black? A 12 inch black dick.

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Chuck Norris threw a grendade, killed 50 people, then it exploded This is a highly improbable event considering no man is faster then a grenade

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A guy walks in to a bar and says to the bartender "I'm fed up with all these 'guy walks into a bar' jokes on anti-joke. The bartender says "I have no idea what you're talking about".

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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