Why can't jokes spit?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock Who's there? You know you really should have a safer way of finding out who is really on the other side. Now a days it's just not safe to ask, "who's there". I mean it could have been, Milkman, Plummer, or worst a Land Shark!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why couldn't the girl sit down? she didn't have a butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is worse than being lost in the supermarket? Being lost in space.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I was typing a new book today (literature wild west, and I realized I had been writing the same shit over and over again for eight hours and was dead tired when It went so..) Welcome to the wild west, guns! Hayballs! MONSTER TRUCKS! And then I kinda thought to myself... Is it just me or am I trying a bit too hard? So guys? What do you think, am I trying a bit too hard here? Funny story, I am tired and drank lots of coffee, so I am holding back in order to not try so hard... Not trying hard enough to hold back? I am asking you! WHY? BECAUSE YOUR ANSWER DOES NOT MATTER! ARE WE GAME?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock Who's there? Me ill kill u,

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a cow without legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I was just thinking of how much i laughed at the challenger launch.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar, they manage to have a delightful evening, despite their religious differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +7

"Jim would you like to share what you've written?" says rehab counselor "Roses are red, Violets are blue, Heroin is bad, I see sound."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A stripper walks into a bar, she proceeds to cry because she's an alcoholic and a stripper. Meanwhile, her 3 children sit at home hungry. She then goes home, and grabs her gun and shoots her children, then shoots herself. Bucket.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

lets go to the beach beach lets go get away story of josh browns life

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the construction worker bring with him to work? - Tools

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a camel walks into a bar. it is kicked out because camels are not supposed to be in bars, there camels.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

-Knock knok who's there? -Orange Orange who? -Orange you glad im an orange? ...I believe you have confused the noun "Orange" with the conjunction "aren't".

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops