Person 1: want to hear a joke? person 2: yes.

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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What dd the man say to his wife? Make me a samich!

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Two muffins are in the oven, one muffin says "Gosh it's hot in here!", the other muffin says "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!".

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Why was the man burying his child? because in france, fishing is only allowed 3 times a day

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Did you know that all of the seasons are named after coils of metal? Except Winter... And Autum... And Summer...

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if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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My daughter's so smart, that instead of texting K, she writes Potassium.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he's not gonna come

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Sixty... eight

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender served him a beer and said "why the long face?", to which the horse replied "neigh". The bartender was later fired for incompetence and serving beer to a horse.

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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You know why one side of the "v" formation of a flock of geese is longer don't you? Cause it has more geese in it.

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Why didn't the baby come to daycare? Because his mother got killed by spongebob

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Q. There were 2 Mexicans in a car, who was driving it? A. The police officer.

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Your mother is so ugly, her genes were passed down through two generations, and now your children are of a similar caliber of ugliness. I'm so sorry.

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Kid hands Lebron a dollar, asks for change Lebron hands him back 4 quarters.

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what did the philosopher say, when he considered the transient nature of life in relation to ones own personal and egocentric grasp upon circumstance and purpose? massive erection.

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Whats the difference between a white guy and a black guy? They have different colors of skin.

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Why cant Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukaemia.

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Whats green, furry and it stole christmas? A Robber with a Christmas tree on his back

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Man: Did it hurt? Woman: huh? Man: Did it hurt when i killed your family?

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Two penguins sitting in a bath tub. One says, "Pass the soap." The other says, "What do you think I am, a clock!?!?"

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Why is Joel always with Jamie? Because her incorrectly positioned eyes prevent her from seeing the true Joel.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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