A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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What do you do i a stranger offers you candy? Make sure its not stale then jump in his van.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Come in! Come in who? I'm just com in' inside.

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WHATS FASTER THAN INTERNET BUSTA RYMES

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What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

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Whats red and goes round and round? A baby in the garbage disposal

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A snail buys a car from a dealership, and then asks the manager if he could paint a large S on the side of the car. The manager agrees, and the snail drives away. From the parking lot, the manager sees the car go straight on to the highway and get hit by a truck. Unfortunately, snails cannot drive.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out".

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Q: Why was the cook put in jail. A: He has killed 2 people and robbed several stores

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Why did sally fall off the swings? She didn't have any arms. Knock Knock, Who's there? Not Sally, she doesn't have any arms.

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Why did Maggie shit herself? Because she saw her son.

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What Did The Kid With No Arms And No Legs Get For His Birthday? A Walking Stick

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and i am too

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A man goes to the doctor and complains: "Doctor, my Viagra hasn't worn off! It's been over eight hours!" The doctor replies "You were bitten by a banana spider. You have one day to live.

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How is an elephant like a grape? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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Oh please! Come on! Those that got to us where mostly Russians remember? And what where my parents? (if you do not know you might have guessed it by now) I found a guy that looked about the same as me, messed him up and put my jacket on him, I do not die that easily. Anyway, id explain more, but I have been without these fucking painkillers so long that I am talking trash on this stupid site again... Seriously the pain I am used to, but this addiction on painkillers is a bitch... (shedog if censor got a hold on it) But it turns out I cant sleep without them, sleep just does not come anymore, so Ill go get some now. Who are you by the way? I am Nero7, Aka Axel Knight.

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Why did Santa get stuck up a chimney? Because there was a family of possums living up there. They ripped his face off.

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why did the blue berry cross the road

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so a moose walks into a super market and asked the lady where can I find the potatoes the lady says isle five so the moose goes to isle five and there aint no potatoes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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