Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown, sued the water company, bought a huge settlement and ran off with that slut Little Bo Peep.

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What do you call a fat black guy in KFC? A guy who likes KFC.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. They grab a drink and really hit it off despite their differences. After a couple years of happy dating, the rabbi, Mark, preposes. Gloria, the nun, gladly accepts. After four months, Gloria is pregnant. She dies in childbirth. The child has many illneses and dies within a week. Mark commits suicide.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels.

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Knock Kock Who's there Boo Boo Who? Boo Radley is a fictional character in the novel To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Don't cry.

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Why was Uncle Monty's head damn tasty? Because he shoved it up a horses arse when it needed a shit.

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Why did the boy who didn't do his homework fall out off a tree? Because his overly obsessive mom threw a rock at him.

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why are black people scared of chain saws? because it goes runnigganigganiggarunnigganigganigga

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Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? Now he is dead..

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Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

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what did the apple say to the orange ? nothing, apples are a fruit and do not have any organs which allow it to be able to talk.

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Q: Whats blue and white and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A: A tree wearing a denim jacket.

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Why did the man fall of his bicycle? Because someone threw a fridge at him

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar, he doesn't let a minor disablity distract him from having a good time.

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A giraffe walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?!" to witch he replied " I've just been mugged outside.".

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why do they sparkle?!?!?!?!

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saw a free cat yesterday...it was dead on the side of the road

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What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower. A Mexican that is fresh out of college and does not yet own a lawnmower.

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How did the black guy survive from drowning? Years of Swimming lessons at his local YMCA

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was a recovering alcoholic who recently relapsed and drove his car through his garage. He took his anger out on his wife and kids. His wife kicked him out and filed for divorce. Conveniently, the liquor store is across the street.

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In an all out brawl between the casts of Gilligan's Island, Hogan's Heroes and the Brady Bunch, who would be the winner? The Viewer

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What did the Jewish kid get for Christmas? Nothing, Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

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Q. What do you call a black pilot? A. A pilot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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