What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a man and a woman? The latter has two additional letters added to the beginning.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What'd the mexican get for his birthday, birthday cards from his friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Crossing Guard union had reached a collective agreement and they had returned to work and it was safe to cross once again.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

There once was a man from Kentuckit, who like to dissapear with his dog and clean up the shit using a plastic bag and put it in the allocated public bin.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man wakes up after only one hour of sleep due to his insomnia. He starts to cry because his wife just passed away and his parents were recently killed in a car accident. The man gathers his composure, takes a shower, and drives to his minimum wage job. He was expelled from high school for an assault he didnt even commit and has no money to get an education. At work, he accidentally drops a box of valuable, fragile electronic parts and gets fired by his boss. He goes home to his dirty 1 bedroom apartment and contemplates suicide. He decides to wait as his favorite tv show is on. He turns on the tv to the news his show has been cancelled. The man, depressed, suicidal and alone, picks up his .22 and kills himself. There is no God.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you get when you hit a deer? A dead deer, which you should probably take home to eat - wouldn't want it to go to waste.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You know what they say about a man with big feet! They say it's indicative of the size of his penis, although there's no scientific evidence backing this up.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Girl: I wanna get yo pants. Boy: but im wearing shorts.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man was walking down the street in the pitch black dark and he looked into a pitch black dark window. What did he see? Pitch black dark people.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

thumb_up thumb_down +11

roses are red violets are blue ur mom just died and u will 2

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?' The horse say " i have testicular cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why didn't Angie die when she jumped off the Empire State Building? She landed on a pancake

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: Why should you never let Jerry Sandusky babysit your children? A: Because, in November of 2011, Sandusky was arrested and charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse of young boys over a 15-year period. A man with this type of background does not seem like a an ideal choice for a babysitter.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? A: Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir, I’ll replace this with a fresh bowl of soup and I’ll have a word with the manager to see if we can deduct a sum from your bill for the inconvenience we have caused you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops