what do a carrot and an elephant have in common? theyre both orange except for the elephant.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Max. Max who? Max who starts his greeting with,  "In accordance with Megan's law"  

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I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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yo momma's so dumb she attended a dyslexic test and was proven mildly autistic.

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asking someone to check ur broken wing mirror to fall into that persons arms by accident is not a good idea

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Alister Darling plucks his eyebrows.

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Girl: What's up? Guy: If I told you, would you sit on it?

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What looks like a horse, but smells and has feathers? A dead horse with a pidgeon in its ass.

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If monkeys ate trees, than what would trees be made out of? No one knows because that will never happen.

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What's black and white and red all over? Half a black face and half a white face after going through a blender

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What's white and smells like crap? An albino tird. Just kidding, Justin Biebers music.

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whats worse than a worm in your apple? the Holocaust

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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What worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding 2 worms

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long mane?"

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Why did Jim get hit by a train? Because he was standing in the tracks.

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What do you call a fat cat? Nothing if you are a good person

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whats white and sticky? a white stick

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oh no a butt!!!!!!!!!! your stubid oh wait your right ahhhhhhhhhh

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What's the best way to make people notice you? Begin a cult that follows some crazy religious division and go on mass murdering sprees, looting, murdering, and raping everything that moves. Your prime targets should be schools, orphanages, and hospitals (maternity wards for bonus points). Eventually, walk up to the FBI unarmed and have them capture you. Then demand that you get interviewed, as you have instructed your followers that if you don't get to speak on public television, they will bomb multiple major cities. When they put you on TV, simply stare at the camera and say: "Senpai. The time has finally come for you to notice me." Then, because you are a cruel, heartless bastard with no morals whatsoever, have your men bomb the major cities anyway. Have fun!

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What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

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How do you make a health inspector give you a good report? Throw his family into a pack of alligators.

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01101110 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 translate here http://binarytranslator.com/

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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