- Anti Joke

What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

timmy has no arms knock knock whos there? NOT TIMMY!!!

What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

What did one Japanese man say to the other? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.

What happened to your hamster? It died.

How do you ask a blonde out to dinner? Politely

What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

Whats louder than a dinosaur? 2 Dinosaurs

Why didn't the boy eat his vegetables? he was dead

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

How was breakdancing inventented? From niggas trying to steal hubcaps of moving cars!

How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

What did the librarian say at the heavy metal concert? Shhhhh

What was pauls mum screaming? Rape

How much does a dead baby weight? the same amount when it was alive!

What did the black man do when KFC got his order wrong? He gave his receipt to the cashier and kindly asked for the correct meal.

Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

How do you eat a candy cane? Shove it in your mouth and chew.

A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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