Why did the Asian eat so much rice? Because he was hungry.

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What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Me: did u here the one about the girl got hit by a car? Man: no what happened? Me: She is in the hosspital with slight fractures and a broken wrist, but she will live

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What did god say when he saw the first black person? He will do alright for him self

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What do you call a man that paints on a his face and wears big shoes? Lady Gaga.

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What did Johnny do this wednesday? He went to school to be academically taught to get a high GPA of all the other children so he could go and pursuit his dream so he won't be left at home with a drunk wife and 6 kids with $190,000 in debt from the IRS

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A muslim walks through a medal detector before the entrance of the airport terminal. The alarm goes off and he is arrested by TSA officials, they open his jacket and find 30lbs of high explosives.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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HURT

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irish man drinking john smiths

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Why didn't the Mexican go to college? He was caught smuggling drugs over the border and was shot.

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What's the difference between? Your mom.

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swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag

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What do you call a Mexican on the moon? Quite an unusual circumstance consedering Mexico doesn't currently have a space program. Not only that but Nasa hasen't even had people going to the moon since the 1970s.

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Penis

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Q: Why is eminem such a good rapper? A: well if you want to know its becuase he had a bad childhood experience and and needed some money so he put hard work and dedication into rapping.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom.

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Pee is yellow Shit is? brown My shit is yellow WTF

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You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America. You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.

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How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle!

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

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I banged your mom so hard that she got a urinary tract infection.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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