How do you keep your dog warm? Put antifreeze in its water dish.

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Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

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A: Knock Knock B: I'm sleeping!

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Why did Billy fall off the Empire State building? He didn't fall, he jumped. He decided to commit suicide due to his lack of friends, caring parents, low self-esteem, and self-concious issues. Billy really needed a therapist.

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A father of 4 commits suicide. his kids celebrate shortly after.

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What do u get when you cross Napoleon and a stick of dynamite? A very bloody mess.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "For Christ's sakes, Grandma, put your pants back on!"

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Two men are walking. The first one ask "what time is it?". They die.

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theres a fat guy

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender jokingly asks him, "Why the long face?!" The horse replies, "I was just diagnosed with cancer."

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whats blue and doesnt like cheese? the sky, i was only messing about the cheese

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Three blondes were stuck on an island, one of them wished for a motorboat, later on they all died of starvation

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The sandwich asked the girl to make her a boy.

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Goats are like mushrooms, If you shoot a duck im scared of toasters

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What's black and white, and red all over ? An interracial couple who were both gruesomely decapitated in a freak car accident.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a porch? Bob

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what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

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Why did the deer hunter shoot a deer? He told his wife he bought a new TV.

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What did the black guy get on his SAT's. Barbecue sauce

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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." They were moose tracks.

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JUSTIN BEING SMART

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A women gets on a bus, the bus driver says 'that is the ugliest baby i have ever seen!' the women pays for her ticket and sits on one of the seats while the bus pulls off.

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The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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