What's the difference between a lamp?

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What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

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What did the man say to the ugly woman? Your face makes my penis soft.

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What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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what did the man say to the other man? hey

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's a woman

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Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

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A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

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I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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What do airplanes and trees not have in common?? Bananas

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Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because it broke...

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How do you end a sentence

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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Why did the blonde die? She was slurped up by a 1,000 foot anteater.

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Why was Martin Luther King shot? The shooter strongly disagreed with his viewpoints.

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Stephen Hawking

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? The lawyer is a human being whose profession is to give legal advice and assistance to clients and represent them in court or in other legal matters while the catfish is a freshwater or marine fish with whiskerlike barbels around the mouth, typically bottom-dwelling. -BG_Shank_A

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops