how do you get a cat out of a tree? with boomerangs

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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What did batman say to robin before getting into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile robin.

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Your mother is so fat, that making fun if her is a terrible thing to do.

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yo mamma so black, she was left out in subzero temperatures for an extended time period and suffered major frostbite all over her body, causing it to become grotesquely black.

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The truth is he loves her!!

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What do you call an argument between a Jew and a German? World War 2

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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Why did the chicken not make it across the road? Because he got hit by a transport.

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What did billy get after sex? Herpes

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What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Monks do not speak.

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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There's a study that the population of Americans are very high in America.

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The number 69 is? Just a plain old number that has just as much meaning as 68 and 70.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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Wheres my hood? Behind your neck.

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Knock knock. Its open.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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Q: What's worse than finding a hundred dead babies, in one bin? A: Finding one dead baby, in a hundred bins.

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two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

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Whats included in over 90% of all car crashes? A Car

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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