What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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your momma is so poor that she is on welfare.

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Brain fart

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the sky is green no it is not

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Yo momma's so stupid... she scored poorly on on the SAT, failed to get into a good college, worked at a walmart and lived an otherwise mundane life.

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What is brown and sticky? A lot of things are brown and sticky

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What happened to your hamster? It died.

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

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Whats louder than a dinosaur? 2 Dinosaurs

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Why did the man die? Supercalifragilisticexpialidosious

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What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

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Did you hear what happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

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Why wouldn't someone want to work in the mining industry? Their dad died in the mines.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted, the other was brutally raped.

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timmy has no arms knock knock whos there? NOT TIMMY!!!

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What did the baseball coach say to his son? Nothing. He was dead.

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How do you eat a candy cane? Shove it in your mouth and chew.

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What did the librarian say at the heavy metal concert? Shhhhh

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How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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