Q. What do you call a woman who, after 72 hours of hard labor, finally gives birth? A. Mom.

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What's green and red? A frog in a blender

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Why did the christmas tree smell like shit? because pavaroti used it as a dildo

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What did the cow say to his family before he left the house? goodbye, because he was going to the slaughter house to get killed for meat

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Gays always seem happy wonder why Straights complain to much

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Roses are red Violets are blue I look down My pants are brown.

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What do you get if you cross a horse with a cow? A horse and a cow.

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What did hitler do with the vegetarians? Nothing, because he was one.

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A woman went for a midnight jog. She's been missing for 12 years now.

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Three men walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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why did the hater hate? everyone else has a much better life

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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What's orange and fluffy? Orange Fluff

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

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You: I have a question Person: Yes You: Do you have an answer?

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A man walks into a bar, asks for a drink. He then realises that it was a metal bar and not one that serves alcoholic beverages. He then ponders the mysteries of the world and the universe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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