What do you call a mexican who steals toasters? A mexican toaster thief.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats worse than getting raped by a cow? Getting raped by two cows.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust No, the Holocaust never even happened, you're an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"? Because that's where a box of everything you own is

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the man take a shower?, he didint smell so good...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you stop a black man drowning? Take your foot off his head

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

thumb_up thumb_down +4

there are two muffins in an oven. one says "its getting hot in here". the other says " oh my gosh!!! its a talking muffin!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A teacher at a school in America is writing on a chalk board. He asks the class what 50 - 20 is. The teacher begins to become impatient when noone put their hands up. This is because the school is an educational facility for asylumn seekers from Rwanda and all of their hands were cut off by a Warlord.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

roses are red, violets are red, ive been shot in the eye with a pelet gun, please ,please help

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I was walking down the street the other day And I pushed a child under a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Did you hear that the actress, Reese what's-her-name, got stabbed to death? Witherspoon? No, with a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar . . . he is tired and thirsty after a long day at work.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He was butchered on the farm for chicken fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?............Gangrape

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you tell your chicken when it is it's birthday. Nothing, because he wouldn't understand you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops