What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

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Why was the wife disappointed in her husband? He hasn't been very talkative since the suicide.

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A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Rapist :(

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What do a black man and a bench have in common? The black man can sit in the bench.

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why did the boy die? because he got shot

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A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate the chicken.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Why is the Holocaust/Worm in your apple joke the highest rated joke on Anti Jokes? Most of the viewers of this website clicked on a thumbs up symbol directly below the joke, which by the coding of this website triggered an algorithm that caused the number adjacent to this thumbs up button to increase and also caused the joke to appear higher on the list of most popular jokes.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

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Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses walk into a bar and sit down at a table. They glare at each other for a moment before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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WANNA HERE A JOKE? (no, i purposely clicked in this joke website to simply here to fulfill my demonic internet pleasures.)

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What did the homeless guy say to the not-homeless guy? I'm homeless.

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what kind of person would you call dumb the ones who read anti jokes

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How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Why do black people eat fried chicken? Because black people are usually stronger than chicken. If they weren't, chickens would probably eat fried black people.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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