Ouch, a papercut .. what could be worse? A hatchet cut.

Why did the hooker fall out of the tree? Because she was dead

Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? No neither have I

I've just been struck by an enormous bolt of lightning. I am covered in boils and my house is full of frogs. I strongly recommend that when referring to God, always use the upper case 'H' on all personal pronouns.

Roses are Red. Violets are blue. I took a shit on your wife's face last night.

Knock Knock Who's There Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce down the street building his new garage

What was little Sarah's last Words to johnny before he got hit by the bus??? Can i have your ice cream.

What did the boy say after he stubbed his toe? Owww! I wanna have sex!!!

All of these jokes are about white people

An optimistic person says the glass is half full Pessimistic people say the glass is half empty Engineers say the glass is 2 times the size it needs to be.

What didn't the man piss on the dead baby? Because that is just morally wrong. Instead, he reported it to the police and aided the cause of justice.

Hey, wanna hear a penis joke? Nevermind, it's too long.

Jolly Rancher the particle beam is in the alpha quadrant and we are good to go.Please confirm receipt of this communique. Cell Leader Iqbal

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are about to be executed by a firing squad. Before they shoot the brunette, they ask if she was any last words. “Look, a tornado!” Then they shoot her.

Why did the platypus have no friends? Platipi are antisocial creatures by nature.

I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

Why doesn't your dad want to have sex with your mom? Because my penis is already in her vagina, thus your dad's inability to place his penis in her vagina.

What do an owl and a squirrel have in common? They can both fly! Except for the squirrel.

how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

What's slippery when wet? A wet slipper.

Why was the boy sad? because the serotonin level in his brain was significantly lower than normal.

What did God say when he made his first black guy? Oh no I burned one! :)

What did the Golden Retriever say when asked about the meaning of life? woof.

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter on the street? A very nice man because a homeless man just dropped that and he was trying to return it. Rob W

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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