- Anti Joke

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 17

Why did the Jews go into the shower? Because they had just finish a basketball game and they needed to freshen up.

3 women are on a plane. One blonde, one brunnete, and the other a red head. The pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. The 3 women find out that there is only one parachute in the plane. The plane crashes and they all die.

A blind man walks into a bar. It was a book shop.

Wanna hear a story bout my uncle turza.... My uncle turza was eating fruit loops one day and there was a squirrel in the trre from 2 days ago he got angry because the spoon was from the phillipines so he punched a whole in the wall and his half uncle cousins sister had a cage.... True story

Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

Why didn't the lolipop taste like anything to the boy beacuse he was aborted

A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

Q: Why are Dino-Nuggets so good? A: Because they are nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs.

How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

jack and jill climbed up the hill but they were bagels

Why didn't Sammy Robertson make the world series catch to win the series in 1977? Because Sam, like many many discouraged teens in America, didn't follow his life long dream and later became a janitor at his hometown middle-school.

An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After a while, the bartender comes over to him and asks if he would like another beer. He says no and leaves.

Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go on vacation in Hawaii. They plan to swim to the next island. The brunette and redhead do it with no problem. The blonde swims halfway and realizes she is tired. She continues to swim straight ahead knowing her friends are already at the next island.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Triceratops

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

A man walks into a bar. He's just entered into the Twilight Zone.

Why did the redneck leave his wife? To marry his daughter.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was hit by a fridge halfway through walking.

What body part did German prince Heinrich von Missingpenis lack? His toenail.

What did the sun say to the moon ?? Nothing - they can't speak

What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS